Q: My boyfriend enjoys gazing at other women when I’m with him. It really annoys me, especially when he tells me how hot they look. One time when I was with him and his buddies at a party he said he’d love to see me kiss one of the girls who was there. Even the idea of doing that for my boyfriend disgusts me. How should I handle this uncomfortable situation?
A: Your man is going through a stage every man goes through. His actions are derived solely from testosterone. College is a time people take advantage of letting their inhibitions go. The thing is that your boyfriend’s perspective on what is and what is not appropriate is a galaxy away from yours.
This is not to say your beau should offend you or make you as uncomfortable as you were that night at the party. This may be the time for you to rethink why you’re with him. Chances are if his inappropriate behavior makes you feel belittled you need to find yourself a gentleman.
There also comes a time in a woman’s life when the best decision may be the trickiest. Put up with his actions for much longer and you will be in a world of hurt in no time. So, if you decide to stick through your boy’s unpleasant statements, maybe it’s high time you expressed your discomfort with him.
If you decide to stick it out and try to tame his devious eyes, ask him to put himself in your shoes. What would he think if you two were out to dinner and you couldn’t keep your eyes off the hunky waiter who kept accidentally dropping his pen? Or ask him to consider his thoughts on kissing one of his playmates to please you at a party. That would produce an inescapable mental image for the duration of his and your lifetimes.
This is all not to say, however, that he can never look. It’s when you have to wipe the drool off his chin that it becomes awkward and a downer for your self-confidence. So explain to him how it makes you feel when his eyes wander from girl to girl.
The most important thing is that you don’t feel disrespected when you are with him. There is no point in sticking with a relentlessly staring pervert. You’re the one he should be admiring.
If you tell him your problem and he doesn’t change his behavior, give him a taste of his own medicine. The next time you see a hot guy, do a double take and follow that sizzling piece of meat. This will remind him that there are wonderful rewards awaiting you should you choose the alternative route.
The best part about letting him peek at other women is that in the meanwhile you too can scan the crowd. If it bothers him when you partake in the same visual rituals as he does, then it’s likely he’ll put the brakes on being “peeping Tom.”
When it all comes down to it, he shouldn’t be looking around for something else if you’re the one he’s with. Because no matter how many other good-looking women are out there, there’s no one who has your qualities and personality. And your boyfriend needs to realize this before he loses one of the only meaningful individuals in his untamed college life.
Crystal will answer readers’ questions. E-mail questions to [email protected]