I have been looking out for that unattainable goal-the thing we look for our whole adult lives. For so long I’ve been left outside alone, shivering in the cold, searching for some warmth. All my friends assured me that I will find it one day.
“It’ll be here when you least expect it,” they said to me.
Well, I didn’t listen, instead choosing to go out more and more, desperately trying to find what I thought I wanted to have in order to be happy. I was on a mission from God to find … The One.
Recently, I’ve had time to think about the past year and the concept of The One. Do I believe there is just one person out there for me? And, more importantly, who says there is just one being to make us whole?
Even the most unobservant person can see that we have been told about The One our entire lives. We are surrounded by the message that we must find our One. Movies, songs and TV pump us full of the knowledge that we cannot be happy unless we find our other half.
There was an episode of “Sex and the City” devoted to the idea that we are all looking for a plus-one. The question of the day was, “Why does one minus a plus-one feel like zero?”
I thought about this, realizing that I fall into that dangerous category of feeling incomplete and exposed without a person to share my life with.
“I need my one,” I thought. “I don’t want to be a zero.”
In order to get away from that trap I did the unthinkable-I did what scares so many singles. I went to eat by myself. And I didn’t order it to go. As I sat there with my food in front of me, I couldn’t help but look around, trying to determine who was judging me with their eyes. I didn’t go back to that place alone ever again.
Which leads to the conclusion that if the absence of The One makes us incomplete, it also hampers our social outings. Single people don’t typically go out in public to eat, and I’ve hardly ever seen any go to a movie alone. We have very few public activities that cater to the single life; yet many are designed for couples.
So if society hasn’t made allowances for us, and if Hollywood only wants to further the belief that true happiness comes from finding The One, all that’s left to do is find it.
But here’s what I want to know. Where is my One hiding? What if The One is in another country? Do I seriously need to spring for a one-way ticket to Desperate Town, or should I heed my friends’ advice and let The One find me?
And then one average day it hit me. No, not The One. But the realization that I need to stop asking so many questions and not allow my fear of being a zero stop me. I have plenty of The Ones in my life anyway-friends.
In theory The One is that person who can make you happy, make you laugh and make you feel alive. My friends do that for me. I don’t need a hypothetical (and from what I’ve seen, mythical) being to fulfill me.
From here on out I am a proud, singular individual. I am one, not two. I won’t listen to those messages any longer telling me that one isn’t enough.
I won’t wince when I hear the lyrics, “One is the loneliest number.” I’ll be brave and go out wth myself more often.
And most importantly, I’m going to stop obessing over The One, have two cold ones and be three sheets to the wind.
Dustin Barnes is a communication and French major. He can be reached at [email protected].