Jed Pressgrove is a graduate student in sociology. He can be contacted at [email protected].Americans with any dignity or common sense can now laugh in their sleep.
Paris Hilton has been officially plucked, skewered, roasted and devoured on television by a true American hero: talk-show host David Letterman.
Last Friday all Hilton wanted to do was discuss her clothing line, perfume and upcoming film on “The Late Show with David Letterman.” Instead, Letterman, still as frisky and cunning as ever, fired this question within one minute: “How’d you like being in jail?”
The gap-toothed host then proceeded to ask about the food in prison, setting aside a separate inquiry for each meal of the day.
Hilton, of course, gave a typical answer in regard to what she learned from her experience: “It made me a stronger person.”
Letterman continued, “Have your friends treated you differently since you’ve been out of the slammer?” The audience erupted.
Paris answered, “No. People think that I was really strong that I went through it.”
America finally saw the truth behind Hilton, the simple truth that you don’t hear in news reports: Paris is a phony, a commercial paid for by men in suits.
With a quote rarely mentioned in most news articles (because journalists can be as vapid as Hilton, unfortunately), Letterman japed the celebrity’s reputation, indicating the pointlessness of her past accomplishments: “Because in all seriousness, now, this could be your legacy – this as a contribution to the young people of this country.”
After that satirical kick to the forehead, both Hilton and Letterman knew the game had been won. Hilton became desperate. She said she was sad that she had come to the show, making sure to flash puppy faces. Letterman didn’t flinch – he offered to buy her a parakeet.
This historical five-minute roast wasn’t just about giving Hilton what she deserved for years. During this interview, Letterman represented the working-class American, sick and tired of all the crap the media had force-fed him with pretty spatulas.
In a weird way, Letterman was only becoming what it seems many journalists want us to become: a consistently neurotic individual whose chief concern is the personal life of a rich daughter.
Letterman let every print and broadcast journalist know that if they continue to be irresponsible with the little space or time they have, he’s going to be there to shoot the swan with a bazooka.