I am just shy of 23 years old. I’ve nearly completed my first degree in college and I plan on continuing my education with graduate school. When my father was my age, he was married and I had been born. Back then, it was extremely common to have children at 22 or 23. Even today, many of my friends are married and many have children.
Most of them feel you should have children only after marriage. Other people feel that children should come only after a long-term relationship. Still others want children now.
While I look forward to eventually having children, I plan on waiting to do so after at least another seven years.
Of course, I write as someone who is single and nowhere near committing to a long-term relationship. However, even when I’m married, I would still wait until about 30 to have children.
As college students, we find ourselves working very irregular hours. Night classes, homework, projects and extracurricular activities all add up so that we have no real regular schedule. Personally, I sometimes get eight hours of sleep at night, while sometimes I get none at all. Furthermore, my friends have similar schedules so parties or movie nights often last until late hours. Having a child would add an even more unpredictable demand on time and would undoubtably eliminate what little sleep I get.
Of course, no one stays in college forever and most people are done before they are 25. Even so, several compelling reasons remain to wait before having children. A guarantee of long-term stability in a relationship is a necessity. Children should have two dedicated loving parents. Therefore, before making the commitment toward having children, two people should know themselves and each other well enough to commit to a family for the rest of their lives. Thus, before having children, a couple should be together for at least a few years, even if they spend most of that married. With divorce so common today, even marriage cannot be considered a commitment of the same magnitude as having children.
Also, child rearing is extremely expensive. At first, there are food, diaper and medical bills. Later comes schooling, a room of their own, pets, transportation, books, computers, sports, musical instruments, more food and more medical bills. For a college student, these costs are simply far too high.
At least one parent should stay with the child for at least the first few years of his or her life, denying the couple half their possible income. In our parents’ and their parents’ times, it was far more common for the woman of a relationship to stay home, keep house and raise the children. Today, nearly everyone, male or female, plans on having a career. For me, expecting my wife to raise the children is unacceptable for two reasons. First, I can’t image marrying a woman without passion and drive beyond the house. Second, I plan on being in my child’s life as much as possible. I plan on being much more than a bread-winner.
Waiting until a few years of career are under one’s belt greatly increases one’s chances of having financial reserves, medical insurance and a stable relationship that has adapted to the responsibilty of institutions like work and marriage. Also, it gives one time to mature a little more before starting the most important act of anyone’s life. I am certain that I am not mature enough for fathering.
Of course, there are less critical reasons to put off having children. Spontaneous road trips, softball games and parties are a hallmark of the more carefree life without children. Personally, I plan on achieving a few goals-such as learning to fly-which would be much harder while raising children.
Rearing children is the most noble activity in which one can engage. To ensure our ability to do this to the best of our ability, we should make sure we are fully ready before we begin. For many people, including myself, that happy beginning will be years from now.
Nathan Alday is a senior aerospace engineering major. He can be reached at [email protected].