Q: My girlfriend is embarrassed to buy condoms so I always end up buying them myself. How do I get her not to be ashamed of this so she can start making the trips to the drugstore?
A: The important thing is that you are your girlfriend are using them consistently. But, it eventually stings your wallet when she doesn’t fork out the funds for these costly little raincoats.
Don’t get frustrated right away. The reason she doesn’t like buying them could be more than embarrassment. Does she know you feel her actions are unethical to your relationship? Maybe she just forgot about the ordeal altogether. She may assume that you are ultimately responsible when it comes to the purchasing the cover for your own equipment.
If your girlfriend is currently on birth control then there’s almost no chance you’re going to compromise with her on the issue. Birth control can cost her up to $50 per month or more, depending on her prescription. And chances are she already has a constant reminder at noon on her day-planner if she’s taking pills to reduce the risk of pregnancy.
She could be afraid of running into people such as her church usher at the drugstore, or even relatives. It’s tough to walk down a street in small-town Starkville without someone you know screaming out his or her car window to say “hi.”
Maybe she is starting to regret having sex and buying condoms is not getting her anywhere closer to a clear conscience. It’s not uncommon for girls and guys to feel horrible for shacking up before their matrimonial ceremony. You may not take this as feasible information, but there is such a thing as a “newborn virgin” in some people’s eyes. As much as you may not want to face it, sex may just not be for her anymore.
Your girlfriend could be selfish and just not want to give up the dough. Or she could just be utterly immature. That’s when you have the right to get mad. She needs to understand that if she’s mature enough to put herself at risk of having a child, then she should by no means be afraid of picking out whether she wants a box of large or small love gloves.
In any case, condoms don’t have to be expensive. While you should never spring for the generic brand when it comes to contraceptives, there are cheaper alternatives.
The staff at the Longest Student Health Center is more than happy to provide name-brand condoms for students, free of charge, and you can have as many as you want.
As long as you search for her lack of motivation then you’ll have an easier time dealing with or modifying her stinginess. Just don’t deny her playtime until you completely understand the intentions for her actions.
Q: Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about serious issues he just clams up and won’t look at me or give me any feedback. How can I get him to open up?
A: Either your boyfriend is abnormally shy or he isn’t as comfortable in the relationship as you thought. Cowering away from serious conversations could also mean he’s scared your relationship is developing too fast.
You need to take his personality into consideration. Is he usually shy in public, around your friends or just not talkative period? Women tend to talk a lot more frequently and with more detail than guys. So don’t take it personally if he doesn’t raise an eyebrow to everything you tell him.
If your boyfriend has been shying away from even the most general conversations, it could mean he’s giving you subtle signs that he’s not into you anymore. There’s probably nothing wrong with you-unless you consistently talk his ear off.
Do you always go to him for every problem you have in life? Have you scolded him in the past for responding to your crises with an opposing viewpoint? If so, keep an open mind if he replies with criticism or conflicting words.
On the bright side of your dilem ma, there’s a good chance he closes his mouth on serious issues because he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing. There’s a possibility that he’s thinking the two of you have a long future together and he doesn’t want to give away the majority of his feelings all at the same time.
It’s normal to get irritated when your boy would rather watch the history channel than have a serious conversation with you. So ask him to make eye contact with you. This puts him on the spot to pay more attention.
Make sure you tell him what you are about to talk to him about is important. It’s a good idea to single out your most grave concerns to discuss with him. Otherwise you’ll be crying wolf every time you make him sit down to listen to another one of your bad hair day sob stories.
Crystal will answer readers’ question. Send questions to [email protected].