Q: There’s this girl that I want to ask out, but I think I have a problem. She’s kind of a city girl, or looks like one anyways, and I’m pretty much a country guy. I don’t know if she will give me a chance because of the difference. What can I do to help myself out?
A: She “looks like” a city girl? Doesn’t sound like you’ve scoped the target too well. That’s preliminary, and a mandatory responsibility. If she’s in your class, sit next to her; if she knows one of your friends, get introduced-just whatever it takes to get your foot in the door. Walking up and asking a girl out who hasn’t even had conversation with you won’t likely yield a good first impression.
Getting asked out may not even be something she desires. So before you start worrying about what clothes to wear, what country bumpkin slang to drop, and which pair of cowboy boots to clean, get the introductions out of the way, and at least try to find out if she’s seeing someone.
Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, and you’ve confirmed that this complete stranger is still somebody you want to be stuck with for a couple of hours, then you move on to a few slight modifications to make yourself a little more date-worthy.
There are several categories that Southern guys such as yourself can fall into. They are, in decreasing order of desirability: Southern gentlemen, good ol’ boys, rednecks and hicks. (Rednecks and hicks are sometimes confused, so just keep in mind that rednecks are semi-talented hicks). You want to rank somewhere in between the gentlemen and the good ol’ boys categories, depending on what type of guy this girl would be interested in.
Starting with your appearance, if a mullet is your present hairstyle, it needs to go, and you need to lose the John Deere cap as well. If boots and jeans are truly your thing, wear them, but get the boots clean. Overalls are a no-no, and take every possible precaution to make sure you do not wear camouflage in her presence. Why people insist on wearing that stuff even when they’re not hunting is beyond every sophisticated mind.
In case you haven’t picked up on this little fact, the habit of dipping is frowned upon by many, and if you ever look close enough, you can nearly always see a small shiver go up any girl’s spine when she spots a dip cup. If you’re addicted to that harmful habit, do yourself a favor and try to get off of it. Your desirability score will jump dramatically with the ladies when you free yourself from carrying a recycled plastic bottle with a nasty brown liquid in it.
If you do manage to dupe the girl into a date, you’re going to need to pick her up in a respectable ride. A mud covered truck emblazoned with multiple Confederate flags and chicken wire in the truckbed simply will not do. If you must drive a truck, get the mud off of it, unless you want your date suspecting you find some kind of mindless pleasure in driving in circles in the mud. You want a maximum of one Rebel flag present, but none would be even better, so there won’t be any lingering doubts on her part of you being racist.
I recognize the potential of backlash toward you if your friends think you’re altering yourself for some strange girls. Tell your friends to think of them more as appearance improvements than alterations. If you do decide to change a few things you think the girl would deem unsightly, remember to still be yourself. Girls are pretty aware when a guy is faking, so sincerity and originality will be your best friend. If you have to pose as someone else for the girl’s acceptance, she’s not the girl for you.
Barry Kirsch is a senior chemical engineer major. He can receive your relationship questions at [email protected].