Warning: If you are offended by opinions or ideas written by someone who may hold a different perspective from you on topics of social controversy, throw this page of the paper into the nearest trash bin and sprint to the closest possible safe space. If you neglect to heed this warning, I am not responsible for the emotional and psychological trauma caused by this article.

Still here? Cool. Once upon a time, there was magical land called the United States of America. The people who lived in this magical land had a very special magical power called freedom of speech. Everyone had this magical power, but some citizens in this land of sunshine and rainbows made better use of their freedom than others. In fact, some citizens tried using their magical powers without training—they even neglected to use their brains, which were the true sources of their abilities. 

Eventually, these entitled, intellectually-inept people began forming groups, and these groups popped up all across the land, like pimples on the pubescent face of America. I would end this lovely tale with some guy in chainmail saving a princess, but that is irrelevant, and the femi-nazis reading would beat me with their anti-misogynistic justice-sticks. See how I purposely included a lame joke that could offend people with no sense of humor? How edgy is that?

Anyway, let us now get down to the serious issue: our easily and overly offended culture. According to Dictionary.com, the definition for the verb “offend” is as follows: “to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause resentful displeasure in.” With that definition in mind, know that there is a stark difference between someone genuinely attempting to offend you and someone merely stating beliefs that are different than your own. 

With 7.125 billion people on our little blue planet, there is a fair statistical chance that you will encounter a number of people during your lifetime who will say or do things that can be legitimately categorized as purposefully offensive. 

A few cases of legitimate, definitional offense include cases in which someone calls a group of Black Lives Matter protestors a word that rhymes with diggers, calls members of the LGBT community a word that rhymes with bags or discriminates against peaceful Muslims because of terrorism committed by Islamic-extremists. 

These instances are certainly offensive, disrespectful and lack any notion of sensibility and should thusly be dealt with. However, they should not be avoided in offense-free places like “Safe Spaces,” which The Safe Space Network defines as “anywhere anyone can relax and be able to fully express themselves, without fear of being made to feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe on account of biological sex, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, cultural background, religious affiliation, age, or physical or mental ability.” While I agree that offensive remarks should be dealt with, they should be dealt with in a direct way that does not involve hiding in a room with Play-Dough and coloring books.

For those of you who claim to be “offended” by what are merely someone else’s thoughts or opinions, know that you are the reason I drink. For something to be truly offensive, it must be intentionally hurtful and directed at another person. Our generation is the first in human history to socially establish the idea that differences of opinion are offensive simply because they challenge our own subjectivity. 

Allow me to provide an example of a non-offensive event that was deemed offensive, just because it created anxiety among people who think they live in utopia where there ideas never have to be challenged. 

According to Breitbart.com, “… a student group at Brown University called the Sexual Assault Task Force discovered that a debate was to be held on campus where one participant, a libertarian, would slam the term ‘rape culture,’ … a ‘safe space’ was then created for students upset by the debate; the space included cookies, bubbles, Play-doh, calming music, pillows, blankets and a video of puppies.” 

The libertarian student was not arguing in favor of rape, which would be truly offensive. Instead, the libertarian student was merely arguing against the existence of “rape culture,” by claiming that society is not actually permissive of rape. However, this alone was enough to prompt the establishment of a room free from any sort of serious and intellectual discussion on the matter, just because some students deemed such rhetoric as offensive. 

Everett Piper, president of Wesleyan University, recently handled another such trivial matter with what I consider beautiful grace. After a student complained that they had been victimized by an on-campus preacher sermonizing about the topic of love, Piper told his students simply to “grow up.” Piper also said, “The creation of a safe space so that a countering idea cannot enter your world—that is not education. That is nothing but ideological fascism.” This is a statement with which I entirely agree. 

If you ever find yourself feeling offended in the future—due to your over-sensitivity to new ideas rather than actual discriminatory hate-speech— sit on an ice pack and get over yourself. 

Labeling ideas or opinions that are different from your own as offensive is like calling Casey Anthony a good baby sitter— it’s wrong.